High as an MiG
by Retired 5.01.2012
Summary: Contains a slight mention of drug side effects. Ratchet and Ironhide have some fun. Chaos ensues.In response to a prompt.


Disclaimer: I own nothing Transformers.

I thought I'd pick up on a challenge.

Okay, it's called "High as a MiG"…

Yes, it's going where you think it's going.

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Ironhide and Ratchet were sitting at the lookout with the gang. The gang consisted of Optimus, Bee, Sam, and Lennox. It was their bi-monthly meeting of sorts, and things were going downhill. At the beginning, things were boring enough. Now Optimus was giving a lecture about dust mites and their effects on cooling tanks. Ironhide nudged Ratchet slightly.

"Oi, Ratchet. What do you say we go and have some fun," Ironhide asked quietly.

"What kind of 'fun' did you have in mind? I'm in no mood to blow up cars," Ratchet asked, suspiciously. Fun with Ironhide usually meant blowing something/one up and drinking enough high grade to incapacitate a robot.

"Nothing bad…just something I discovered," he said, a smirk on his face. Ratchet felt a treasonous smile grow on his face. After a quick glance at Optimus and the others to make sure they were occupied, he nodded and they transformed.

"Er, yeah. We have to go. There seems to be a minor emergency," he stated quickly as they drove away. Optimus just watched them leave, a quizzical look on his face. After a second, he shrugged and continued on with his report of dust mites.

"Where are we going," Ratchet asked, following the Topkick down the road. His only reply was a smug, "You'll see."

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Fifteen minutes later, they arrived in front of a hydroelectric plant. They transformed into their robot forms. After a quick glance around to make sure no one was watching, Ironhide clambered over the fence and motioned for Ratchet to follow him.

"There are cameras, Ironhide!"

"Don't worry, they won't see us," Ironhide said, gesturing for the robot to come with him. Ratchet sighed heavily and jumped over the fence, landing heavily on the other side. He winced as he felt the concrete beneath his feet crumble. So much for not leaving a trace. He followed Ironhide past a gigantic concrete dome and around several power generators. After a few minutes, Ratchet grumbled again, "What are we doing here, Ironhide?"

"Watch and learn, my friend," Ironhide said, grinning and reaching a finger out to a power transformer.

"Don't touch that, you'll electrocute yourself," Ratchet hissed, but fell silent as he saw a spark leap across to Ironhide's finger. He heard Ironhide laugh a little. Ratchet frowned slightly. It hadn't hurt Ironhide. On the contrary, Ironhide seemed to enjoy it...

"Try it, Ratchet. It's not going to hurt you," Ironhide said, motioning for Ratchet to come closer to the transformer.

Ratchet hesitated and slowly reached out for the wire with one finger. He jumped slightly as the spark crossed the wire into his finger. It was pleasant, he deduced. It was like someone had inflated a balloon in his chest; he was so happy and carefree at the moment.

"You see?"

Ratchet laughed and reached for the wire again. He held his hand there a little longer. It was like someone had punched a hole into his bucket of worries. Everything was draining away at a rapid rate, leaving him feeling like he were floating on a cloud.

"Ironhide?"

His response was a snicker.

"Why am I called Ironhide? I mean, Ironhiiiide," he said, drawing the last half of his name out. Ratchet laughed as he pondered the meaning of his friend's name. He was really starting to enjoy this spark-wire thing. He reached out again, this time just holding his hand there.

"Whoa, don't do that, my man. Not too much at once, we can't have you going into a stasis coma," Ironhide said, waving at Ratchet. Ratchet grumpily pulled his hand away, enjoying the tingling sensation spreading down to his toes.

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Two hours later…

Ratchet was lying on the ground, twitching pitifully. Ironhide was staring at a bug on the ground, laughing hysterically as the insect twitched violently, trying to get off of its back. He wiped a few tears away from his optics.

"Ratchet?"

"Whaat?"

"I'm hungry. Let's go raid a gas station," Ironhide said, standing slowly. "Oh, Primus. Everything's moving so quickly," he cried out, waving his arms around like a dancing human. They slowly transformed, trying to get everything to go in the right places.

"Ironhide! Look! That statue's moving!"

"Arrgghh, where??!"

"Shoot it!"

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Fifteen minutes later…

Ironhide and Ratchet made their way back up to the lookout where their friends were. Optimus had given up his spot and lecture on dust mites. Now it was Lennox who was talking. He was discussing some tactic or another, trying to get everyone interested. Alas, this was futile, since Bee and Sam were currently ogling magazine spreads of hot cars. Optimus was avidly taking notes, being the goody two shoes he was. Ironhide and Ratchet transformed, swaying slightly on his feet.

"Hey, where have you two been?"

A few seconds passed.

"Nowhere, just having some fun," Ratchet said slowly.

"Fun?"

A few seconds passed again. Ironhide seemed to be deep in thought. He was humming softly.

"Yeah, you should totally come with us next time, Bee." Each word that came from Ironhide's mouth sounded like it took some major effort to say. It didn't help when Ratchet burst into giggles when Ironhide had said, "Bee". Ironhide suddenly said, "I am currently seeing images, even though my optics are off…such beautiful colors…"

Sam started laughing all of a sudden. Optimus groaned when he had looked up what their symptoms meant. Then Optimus smacked himself in the forehead. Lennox caught on and grinned, unable to believe that up-tight Ratchet would let loose. Ratchet's mind was racing. _What will they think about my newfound fun? Will Optimus be angry? Why are they staring at me? I wonder what happened to the bug?_

"What is it, Saaam?"

"Dude, are you guys high or something?"

After a quick internet search (that had to be retyped because he misspelled a few words), he found out the meaning of the word "high". Ironhide had long since curled up into a ball and gone to sleep. Sam was watching him expectantly, a grin on his face.

"I do believe we are."

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Sam choked on his Cheerios the next morning as he read the newspaper headline.

It said:

"_Over $60 million in Property Damages: The perpetrators have yet to be caught."_

_Teenagers claimed to have seen giant robots shooting statues 'because they were moving'. The teenagers in question have been taken in for drug testing…_

Sam just shook his head and turned to the comics.

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This is in response to a challenge…which I gladly accepted…

What did you think? Good, bad, cracktastic?


End file.
